Evocative coaches receive stories with RESPECT, APPRECIATION, & UNDERSTANDING which in turn generates acceptance, expanding awareness, creating openness, and increases a willingness to change.
Empathy ReflectionsDistinguish Observations, not EvaluationsCoaches communicate observations & not evaluations. Provide feedback from what you gathered through the 5 senses. Suspend praise, criticism, compliments, interpretations... do not evaluate.
When we hear judgments or evaluations in teachers' stories, this is our opportunity to respond with OBSERVATIONS. By distinguishing between observations and evaluations, coaches lay the foundation for observing vitalities (Chapter 5). VITALITY can be defined as "the capacity to live and develop"... "intellectual vigor".... "the power to survive"... "energetic style" EC TIP **: Instead of probing with questions, we clarify with reflections and guesses. For example, "Am I hearing that right?", " I'm guess that ..." or "I imagine you are feeling angry.."
Distinguish Feelings, not ThoughtsCoaches distinguish between the teacher's feelings and the judgmental thoughts s/he may be harbouring about self or others. It is essential for coaches to express empathy using the NVC tools to communicate an appreciative and respectful understanding of the teacher's experience at a deep level of their core feelings and underlying needs. Download Feeling Words (right column)
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Compassionate CommunicationNon-violent Communication (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, guides us to reframe how we express ourselves, how we hear others, and resolve conflicts by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, & requesting. It is the language of Compassion rather than Domination; Connection rather than Disconnection. For more information, click on: Center for Nonviolent Communication
The 4 D's of DisconnectionDiagnose, judge, label, blame; "The problem with that is ....."
Deny responsibility for one's own actions or feelings; "I have no other choice.." "You made me (mad)..." Demand; " You SHOULD (have to, must, ought, supposed to....) Deserve; "He deserves what's coming to him..." "I don't deserve this..." How do we want to react during a conversation or during a meeting with colleagues? We can choose to either CONNECT or CORRECT. It takes practice and will power to listen & suspend disbelief. More times than not, when we correct someone, it interferes with the desired outcome of the conversation. YOU INSIST..... I RESIST ! |
Access Points for EmpathySet the stage for coaching by creating a calm, safe, and judgment free space.
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Coaches can help teachers become more aware of their feelings as distinct from their judgmental thoughts and stories
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.What is all of this story listening and empathy about? |
Distinguish Requests, not DemandsCoaches invite the teacher to become more aware of and recognize what they are feeling and needing. Look to confirm understandings and explore possibilities.
For example, "Would you say that you are disappointed with ---- right now?" .... or "Would you be willing to look at this from another point of view?" |
Figuring out just what is going on for the teacher.... & generating a GOLDEN SIGH!!
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The HEART
of the Matter!!!! "Teachers don't resist new ideas as much as they resist the suggestion that they are not competent and they need to be helped or improved." Jim Knight |